Don't Speak

I have never been one to hold my tongue. If I am thinking it, I am saying it. Brutally honest. Opinionated. Yeah. That's me.

In business, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT a good thing.  

I learned very quickly, almost with my first market, that I needed to learn how to keep my mouth shut. Not only keep my mouth shut, but smile. Convincingly. 

I know that there are always going to be people that rub you the wrong way. I know that there are rude people out there. I know that some people are just gruff and brash by nature. I know that some people are condescending tools. But why, for the love of all that is holy, do they all gravitate to my salsa table? Why do they all message me on Facebook or send me emails full of insight and advice? Anyone? It's like the Universe is testing me. Daily.  

Examples of these people abound, but today, I will share with you, my favorites.

I once got a Facebook message from a young man who had purchased a jar of Ghoulicious. It was not hot enough for him. So he wanted his money back. His hard earned money. And I should be ashamed for calling it hot when it wasn't even as hot as some crappy Mexican restaurant salsa, and that isn't really saying much and where did I get off stealing from people by misrepresenting my product. It was high priced and it really wasn't even that great, but he wanted to support local and now I had ruined it for him. Oh. My. God. So, I messaged him back and told him that everyone's idea of hot was different and I was sorry that it wasn't hot enough for him. I even offered for him to come up to the kiosk and get a jar of something hotter. Well, that wasn't good enough. He proceeded to call the store where he had purchased the product and complain to them. I heard, through the grapevine, of course, that the manager of that store told him, in so many words, that he, himself,  had tried Ghoulicious and it was plenty hot. I think there were expletives included. But that's none of my business.  

I once had two ladies stop by the kiosk to taste some samples. Here is the conversation that took place.

Lady 1: Oh, this looks really hot.

Lady 2: How can you tell?

Lady 1: Well, just look at all those seeds.

Me: Actually, that is garlic. 

Lady 1: No, I mean all the white stuff. The seeds.

Me: Those aren't seeds. That is garlic. 

Lady 1: I am not talking about the pieces of garlic. I can see the garlic. I am talking about all these seeds from the hot peppers. *as she is stirring the salsa to show me all the seeds*

Me: Believe it or not, that is garlic. There is a ton of garlic in that one. That's why we call it Garlicious. 

Lady 2: Listen. My friend here makes a lot of salsa. I think she knows seeds when she sees them.

I can't even. 

The most recent was last week. As some of you may know, we are running a contest on our Facebook page. We do it every Monday. Every Monday, we ask a silly question about movies, like, "What is your favorite movie?" or "Who is your favorite actor?". Well, last week, in celebration of the 4th of July, the question was, "What is your favorite movie about freedom or gaining independence?" I used a stock photo of Will Smith with the cigar in his mouth from Independence Day. It's almost iconic, right? We got the expected answers like Independence Day, Braveheart, Gladiator...lots of great answers. Yesterday morning, when I got up and checked the page, I noticed a post from a lady that said basically (I am paraphrasing), "You could have picked a better actor than Will Smith to put on this post. He gives financial support to terrorists..." I can't remember what the whole thing said because my fingers were too busy fumbling for the delete button. I sent the lady a private message and told her, very politely, that her comment had been deleted because it was not appropriate for the page. Period. Well, she couldn't stop. She started in on me about how she wasn't going to support a business who loved our country so little that they would use a picture of someone who financially supported terrorism. She then alluded to the fact that I was hampering her freedom of speech by removing her post. No.

I used Tom Cruise as the picture for this blog because I think he is smoking hot. I don't care about scientology. I don't want to talk to Tom. 

I can't even count how many people would come up to the stand and say to me, "I know the owner." Really? Because I don't know you.

"I make my own salsa." What a coincidence. So do I. "We made 50 pints this year." That's cute. 

I would try some, but I am allergic to (insert ingredient here).

Is this really made in Eau Claire, because I have never heard of you.

 Oh, yuck. I hate salsa.

I can taste the cilantro in this one. Um, no. You know how I know you can't taste the cilantro in that? Because there is no cilantro it.   

And how do you respond? I just have to nod my head or chuckle and smile.

Some of my favorite questions of all time have come from dealing with the public.

How hot is this one? Well, that depends on what you think is hot.

Can I put this on chicken? Seriously. It is good on so many things. You don't need permission.

Are you the owner? Yes. Will you take $5 for it? No.

Do you make this all yourself? 

Are these all the same flavor?

Can I have the recipe?

Not enough Grey Goose in the world. 

This is one of my all-time favorites. I was at a store in Woodbury doing a demo. I had put it on Facebook and an old friend from high school saw it and stopped by. (((Dawn))). Anyway, these two college-aged kids came by and asked about the salsa. 

Kid 1: How hot is the hot one.

Me: It depends on what you think is hot. 

Kid 2: They're just trying to trick you.

Me: I am not trying to trick anyone. Heat is relative.

Kid 2: Not you. The people who make it. 

Me: I am the people who make it. 

Kid 2: No. I mean the actual people who actually make the salsa. 

Dawn: *paraphrasing* This is my friend. She makes the salsa.

There are days when I feel like I am literally going to burst. I am terrified that one day, everything that I have held back is going to come bubbling out, like a steady stream of lava from a volcano long overdue for eruption. and it's not gonna be pretty.

Until then, I will just smile, nod, raise my eyebrows, and keep my mouth shut.