Gratitude

I've talked about my anxiety before. You guys know all the ugly details. 

Tonight, and nights like it, are different. 

Finley is having her birthday party tonight. I don't know how many girls are here, but it is enough. They are loud, and giggly and they have made a huge mess all over. I am unable to process all of it. I am hiding in my bedroom with Helen. Jim is out in the trenches, making pizza, cutting cake, cleaning up. 

Today Emerson left work with severe stomach pain. The guys at the kitchen noticed he wasn't feeling great and forced him to come home. I spent a good part of the day in an Emergency Room. I was stressing about Finley's party tonight. Thinking about all that needed to be done, but Paula was at my house making the cake with Finley. That was the most important thing. 

I have been struggling with my weight for years. Jim has taken it upon himself to be my personal chef. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He preps everything and tells me what to eat when. He thinks I don't know what a huge undertaking that is. He couldn't be more wrong. He ponders why he is doing all the cooking and all the cleaning up. It's not fair. But he will do it. 

We are without a nanny. Finley has taken on even more responsibility so I can get my work done. She helps Gibson with his laundry, she helps with the cooking and the cleaning. She is capable beyond her years. 

Emerson knows when I need to be alone. He can look at me and know that I am not okay. He does his best to corral his siblings and let me decompress. He tells me terrible jokes that make me laugh. It sounds like nothing. But it is something. 

I finally hired two new people in the kitchen today. The right people at the right time. 

The enormity of it all just hit me tonight. 

I am surrounded by people who do things for me that they would not have to do. And I don't think I say thank you enough. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.