My girl, Paula

I met Paula in January of 2016. She had applied for a demo position. I instantly liked her and knew she would be great at the job. She was super friendly, outgoing, and eager to learn more about the product. She had heard about us through a fundraiser she was involved with; we had made a donation. 

Paula started immediately. She was a fast learner. She was reliable. She did what she said she was going to do. Without fail. And if you run a business, or hire people, you know just how rare that is. We had stumbled upon a gem. 

Pretty soon, Paula started dropping Easter eggs about her capabilities. I was having trouble with my email forwarding and she would say, "I might be able to help you with that." I was complaining about not being able to configure a spreadsheet and she would say, "I love spreadsheets (must have fallen on her head as a young child), I can help you with that." We were short handed in the kitchen and she would say, "I can help." I wonder how many times she replays these scenarios in her head wishing she would have said nothing. Because now, she is so deep in the game, there's no getting out. It's like the salsa mob. She started out as an associate, and now she is made. The only way she can get out is to die. 

Paula has many fantastic qualities. 

1. She can find any email. Anywhere. At any time of the day. She can even find emails that she did not send, that I did not send, that were not ever sent at all. 

2. She makes spreadsheets look easy. And fun. Puke. 

3. She is a great lunch date. Paula and I often have need for a lunch date. So we hem and haw and decide on a place to eat. Then we have a working lunch and critique the food at the same time. We have often talked about a separate blog detailing our lunchtime adventures. We laugh and work at the same time. It is good for the soul. 

4. She is dependable. Like superhuman caliber dependable. If she says she will do it, come hell, high-water, or a blown up vehicle, she does it (it happened, folks)

5. She crochets. For me, this is so great. We can talk about all the projects we have started and not finished. We do craft fairs together where she sells a ton and I sell nothing, but it is okay, because we get to spend the day chatting, crocheting/knitting, and people watching. She even made me some awesome Swiffer® Duster covers. They are amazing on hardwood floors. I can get you her number if you want some!

6. She is a listener. When I am upset about something, and believe me, that is often because I have kids, a business, and Jim, she listens and offers a plethora of solutions. Most of them are good. She walks me through each one and, more times than not, she is able to talk me down and help me implement said solution. So, if you've never had the pleasure of me coming down on you in a fit of utter rage, thank Paula. 

7. She is a slack-picker-upper. Much like Bounty, the quicker-picker-upper, but better. As you should all know by now, I have had some bouts in the past, and even recently, with pretty debilitating anxiety. Paula can read me. She knows when to leave me alone and she knows when to bug me and when I can't get something done, she takes it off my plate and does it. No complaining. No eye rolling (at least not that I can see, see what I did there?). No 'you owe me'. No judgement. She just does it. I thank her, but I am sure it is not enough. So I bought her an Instant Pot. It's not just my slack that she picks up. When someone is sick at the kitchen, she takes their shift. When someone can't do a demo, she picks it up. She is neck and neck with Nick, the hardest working guy in sales (you guessed it, another blog).

8. She is resilient. Maybe this should have gone with number six, but I like to pad the blog with more info, so I made it separate. No matter how much shit I throw at her, she comes out smelling and looking like a rose. Unless she has on her 'reconciliation face'. I can't show it to you because I swore I wouldn't. But it is, how can I say it, not the best face I have ever seen her make. 

9. She is my friend. Probably due to my abrasive manner and my resting bitch face, I don't have many friends. Jim said to me the other day, "You are a likable person if someone can crack through that tough as nails exterior." He followed that up with, "You don't look very friendly." and "I think people are afraid of you." and "You should smile more." But when I try to smile, he tells me my smile is "not genuine". I hate you. Stop talking. Anyway, Paula was one of the fortunate ones to break through that har exterior and become my friend. We are both lucky. I do have a few other friends who saw through the "Wow, I wouldn't want to piss her off" look. Tina is in that league, too. But we are not talking about her right now. I will talk about you later in my "How Knitting has Kept Me Sane" blog. 

10. She is a super person. My dogs like her. My kids like her. She has attained "like family" status with us. When we do special things, we invite her. Thanksgiving. My birthday. She was there. She even made me a cake that looked like Wrigley Field. And she doesn't bother me during the games. She actually keeps the Chicago Cubs schedule by her desk so she knows when they are playing. 

11. She bakes with Finley. I love to cook. I hate to bake. Finley loves to bake. When she wants to bake some intricate decorated bullshit, my first response is, "Ask Paula. She will do it with you." and she does. 

12. She tells me what television shows she is watching and gives me the low down on why I should watch them, too. Like, if I am bored, I ask her what she is watching. I am still pretty upset that she never told me about Brooklyn 99. But I'm gonna let that slide. 

Everyone needs a Paula in their life. I'm sure you think you have one. But my Paula is definitely better than yours.